The wise words of the Las Vegas cabbie

The wise words of the Las Vegas cabbie

Las Vegas Taxi driver
Although the strip is only 3.5 miles long, you can’t get anywhere without a taxi driver. You certainly can’t drive down the strip – it’s far too congested, and takes hours. Equally, walking is a killer, as you spend so long walking through the casinos, you don’t have the strength left to walk between them (which is why there are huge moving sidewalks through some of the hotels, to help take the load off – the Venetian even has the world’s longest moving sidewalk, while the one at the Excalibur leads all the way to the Mandalay Bay, albeit in different sections rather than as one giant sidewalk).

So you’re stuck with the taxi-driver to get around town, which also means you’re stuck with his laconic wit and his suggestions for the best places to go around town. And this year, we had some real gems!

This year I learned that doormen at the Mandalay Bay hotel earn $135,000, and saw one doorman showing off his new Maserati (I really am in the wrong job!). I also learned that 4 million visitors enter the city every month, and that taxi drivers earn $60k a year, mostly because they claim they only carry $5 in change – so even if you give them $100 (which many high rollers do, as that’s all they have on them!), they still only get $5 in change.

I was also asked where I came from, and after replying England, was told “well say hello to the Bloody Queen!” by an in-your-face cabbie who seemed to think his cab had an invisible force field around it, and that he could pull in front of any car he liked without any fear of trivia such as instant death!

Worse, though, were the other kind of taxi drivers, who were keen to inform us of some of the town’s other attractions. One cabbie, for example, told us the “hoes in Vegas” were way too expensive (“at least $300 or $400!”), whereas the ones in Thailand were much better value at only $35! He also told us that all the UK guys in Thailand sampling said hoes all wear Diesel shirts, and that the Germans over there were huge super-fat lard buckets who were way out of shape. A case of Mr. American Pot calling Herr German Kettle, but I didn’t like to point this out to him!

As if all this wasn’t enough, we asked another cabbie to take us to the Hilton, upon which he said “Oh you mean Sherrie’s?”, which turned out to be a “Gentlemen’s Club” on the edge of town. After convincing him that we did actually mean the Hilton, he tried to persuade us to go to some other strip joint. Again, we said no, at which point he started talking about Gentlemen’s Clubs for Gay people, and that while female hookers weren’t illegal in Vegas, gay hookers were!

Presumably his thinking was if you didn’t want to go to a strip joint in Vegas, you must be gay! We thought it best not to tell him we were going to the Hilton to check out the Star Trek Experience!

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